Letter Seventeen:
Family Conflict Resolution
My Dear Family,
However tranquil our homes may be, there is always the potential of conflict and struggle. This is the result of the Fall. The fact that God did not make Adam and Eve at the very same time is highly suggestive. On one hand, Adam is made first and enjoys a certain primacy as eventual “head” of the family. On the other hand, Eve, created last out of the side of Adam, enjoys a certain primacy as the crowning achievement of God’s creative acts with her beauty and life-giving power. Both are equal as divine image bearers, but both are endowed with different powers.
Before Eve’s creation, God gave Adam the command not to eat of the forbidden tree, and the responsibility to “work and guard” the garden. Once Eve was created, Adam failed to guard the garden, allowing the serpent to seduce Eve who was not given the direct command, and then took of the forbidden fruit with Eve, thus choosing his wife over God. What resulted was a power struggle between God and humanity, between man and woman, and between humanity and animals.
We see how this works out in the curse in Genesis chapter 3 (Gen 3). The woman is punished with pain in childbirth, but despite this pain, she will “desire” her husband, yet he will “rule over” her. “Desire” no doubt means sexual desire, but also the desire to dominate. It is important to note that domination, whether man over woman, or a woman over man, is evil, a result of the Fall.
Marriage as sacrament is meant to heal the effects of the Fall. Yes, there will be power struggles in the home. The man, as head of the home, must never use his power and position to dominate and control the woman, but as the apostle teaches, he must love her as Christ loves His bride the Church to the point of dying for her. The woman must not seek to dominate her husband but follow his lead as the Church submits to Christ, her love.
It is not a bad thing to have conflict in the home; it is a bad thing for conflict to go unresolved. The hard work of listening, of being able to put ourselves in the other’s place, of self-control and patience, recognizing when we are wrong and making an apology, of sacrificing for the sake of the other, of coming to common agreement, is the fruit of the Holy Spirit as we learn to “bear the beams of love.”
Yours in Christ,
Father John Worgul
Takeaway
As a result of the fall, there is always the potential for conflict and struggle in our homes. Conflict is not a bad thing; it is a bad thing for conflict to go unresolved.
Discussion Questions
- On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how important is it for you to “win” in conflict? How does this impact how you approach conflict?
- The last time you disagreed with your spouse or a family member, how did you express your opposition and what happened?
- Share a time when you successfully resolved a conflict or disagreement.