Letter Sixteen:
Eve’s Role in the Family
My Dear Family,
My wife’s one great hope in a husband was that he could dance. Unfortunately for her, she married me, who dances like a wounded camel. To make her happy, I agreed to take a dance lesson in preparation for our son’s wedding. Right off the bat, to our mutual surprise, the dance instructor said the problem was that she had been trying to lead me. All those years of painful moments on the dance floor were eradicated in a matter of moments; I had to take the lead, and she happily followed.
A great theologian once likened creation to a cosmic liturgy, specifically, a sacred dance. This follows the dance of Christ, our Bridegroom, who takes us, His bride, upon the cosmic dance floor. He doesn’t coerce, but respects her will, and if she freely turns her will to him in love, salvation happens.
When Scripture tells us that a wife must “submit” to her husband, the word was never intended to be “weaponized” by men to exploit women. This makes for bad dancing. The whole point of the dance is enjoyment and intimacy, moving together as one, not who is in charge! Faith in God is crucial here. It takes steady faith and communication skills to believe God will work through a fallible husband, and a wife is wise to proceed without criticizing and demoralizing the man, ruining the dance.
The woman is the heart of the home. As wife and mother, she is the creative energy in the family, and brings to it the human touch. She is naturally gifted at bringing life and beauty to the home.
The mother has a role in bringing her sons into manhood and daughters into womanhood with the father, but in different ways. For sons, she lives out womanhood to them in all its warmth. They learn how to relate to women through their mothers, and by the father’s example of love for the mother, sons learn how to respect and cherish women.
She brings her daughters into womanhood. She does this in very practical ways of daily life, but also by the example of a genuine spiritual life. The mother is the one who is there for the daughter at every stage on the path to womanhood, through its challenges, beauties, and mysteries.
All this might seem naïve and outdated, but power moves always make the dance ugly. We in the Church have a divine dance Master, Jesus, who can teach even the most awkward of us how to move together gracefully.
Yours in Christ,
Father John Worgul
Takeaway
Women bring unique gifts into a marriage, gifts that complement the gifts that men have by their nature. When a husband and wife cooperatively express their natural gifts, the marriage relationship is like a graceful dance. Christ models this relationship with his bride, the Church.
Discussion Questions
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- Thinking about a successful marriage, what gifts does each spouse bring into the relationship? Do you see some of these gifts as coming from the unique nature of being a man or a woman?
- The word “submit” often triggers a negative response. Can you think of a better way to communicate what is intended by this reference in Scripture? I.e., can you share some examples of a wife “submitting” to her husband in a blessed marriage?
- What do you think we can learn about how we should treat our spouses by looking at the relationship between Christ and the Church?