Letter Twelve:
Children: The Power to Have or Not to Have
My Dear Family,
My grandparents on my father’s side had 12 children in the middle of the Great Depression, my dad being the firstborn. My grandfather was a coal miner, hardly seeing the light of day. My grandmother’s children were her whole life. They were literally dirt poor. They, like everyone in their generation, along with all previous generations of humanity before them, lived with certain presuppositions: the marital act was both unitive and open to life. If children came, they were a gift from God; if it didn’t happen, then it was, for the most part, a sad burden God laid upon them to bear. Either way, they all lived with a sense of divine purpose and guidance with the challenges both these states present to married people. There is something spiritual and natural about trusting God in these tremendously important matters of life.
My father, who was not Catholic, once said to me, “My parents were ignorant in that they did not know about, or have access to, contraceptives.” I innocently asked him which of his siblings he could have done without. He had no answer. He had gobbled up, without thinking, the new and emerging post-war world of scientific discoveries along with the American dream of prosperity, having more things and fewer kids, an easier life than his parents had. He always complained about the Great Depression and his hardships in being the oldest son. Incidentally, I once asked him what was the one time of his life he remembered most fondly, and he instinctively replied, “The Great Depression.”
The Church clearly teaches that contraceptives, which block the creative aspect of the marital act, fundamentally alter the psychology of both the man and the woman, and of the culture at large (see Humanae Vitae). Without these two crucial original reasons for sex, the unitive and openness to life, the act is no longer marital (even if married), but something else, something “less than,” and our humanity itself becomes something “less than,” something sexualized, where persons are reduced to objects of the other. What was always thought of as holy and special becomes casual and cheap. Contraceptives are a huge problem in our church. We are so obsessed with freedom and control that the church’s teaching seems absurd and backward, never really taking Jesus and His Church’s teaching seriously.
Happiness has evaporated in our culture since the Sexual Revolution of the 60s. Freedom is defined as doing what we want independently from God, financial and material prosperity, sensual gratification, and having control over our reproduction. Self-absorption has so thoroughly won the day that we cannot even conceive of the fact that our dirt-poor ancestors were far more human, more authentic, and happier than we are in our plastic current culture where God is pushed aside, intentionally kept remote so we can do our own thing.
With regard to in vitro fertilization (IVF), God understands the pain of parents desiring to have children but cannot. The Bible is full of stories of infertile couples. In the end, God knows what is best for us, and He is our ultimate reward in life. Again, it comes down to faith and obedience. Children are a gift, not a right. Children have the right to be conceived naturally in their mothers, not the indignity of a lab. Clinicians can make mistakes, or be corrupt, many human embryos with souls die, and using a poor woman to carry a child for the rich is fundamentally wrong. Finally, every child deserves to have a natural mother and a father rather than be clinically conceived for gay and lesbian couples. An example in Scripture of taking matters into one’s own hands is Abram taking Sarai’s maid Hagar, resulting in Ishmael and unforeseen troubles.
It must be emphasized, however, that children born by in vitro fertilization have all the dignity any other persons have, for in the end, all conception really happens through God, even though the means are not legitimate, and out of His direct will. We humans often play God in many and various ways, and while our actions always have consequences unforeseen by us, God is merciful, and is able to make good what happened out of disobedience.
Yours in Christ,
Father John Worgul
Takeaway
According to God’s plan the marital act is holy and special, unitive and creative. Contraceptives block the creative aspect and cheapens the marital act. We are truly in a state of grace when we surrender fully to God’s will, accepting the blessings of children when conceived naturally in obedience to God.
Discussion Questions
- Why do you think the father’s fondest memories were always about the great depression, being the oldest in a family of twelve?
- What might impede you from surrendering your power to God’s plan regarding the power of having or not having children?