Quick Links: Letter, Hungry for More, Moral Authority, Making the Connection, Further Reading, Next Steps

Hungry for More: Letter Nine

Our Judeo-Christian ethic grew in direct conflict with the surrounding pagan cultures where sexual morals were very lax, and associated with magic and fertility gods and goddesses. Prostitution was a religious ritual that incited the male storm god (e.g Baal) to embrace the fertility goddess (e.g Ashtarte) so as to bring rain and fertility to the land. Often the offspring of such unions were sacrificed to the gods as burnt offerings.

YHWH ordered His prophet Hosea to marry a woman who was devoted to this cult to illustrate how He experienced Israel’s behavior. Hosea’s wife evidently offered herself to the gods at a temple so as to become fertile. When she was found out, Hosea was broken hearted and in a quandary as to what to do. This illustrated the fact that YHWH had entered into a covenant relationship with Israel that is likened to marriage, and Israel forsook Him for the pagan gods, thinking the gods would bring them the prosperity YHWH could not. From this point on in Scripture, the relationship between God and His people is described as a marriage union. This forms the basis of our Church’s fundamental identity of herself as the Bride of Christ.

The Catechism expands on this:

1642 “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb:

The Church therefore cannot separate her relationship with Christ her Husband from the covenant between a man and woman in marriage. As the Church discovers herself as beloved of God the Father through the love of His Incarnate Son Jesus her spouse, so a woman and a man discover themselves and each other and grow in intimacy and love together with Jesus through their bodies. This is what it means for marriage to be understood as a sacrament.

1643 “Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter – appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values.”

Sex is holy. The ancient pagans understood this, although they went astray, as St. Paul teaches in Romans 1, by worshiping the creature rather than the Creator. In our secular, Post-Christian culture sex is totally separated from the religious with no conception at all of holiness. That which was created to be sacred, filled with mystery and awe, intensely relational in the highest human way, bonding two persons spiritually and physically into one, has become common and casual, cheap and reduced to mere sensuality. What is worse, the body can then become a doorway to hell rather than the doorway to heaven.

The Meaning of Spousal Love According to Theology of the Body

We must, therefore, as individuals and collectively as the Church, re-discover marriage as a sacrament. In fact, Theology of the Body (TOB) is indeed more than a re-discovery, but a new development of a core doctrine that never really developed in the early church because of early intrusions of Platonism, gnosticism, and Manichaeism, all of which held the body as inferior to our spiritual aspect. Quoting from TOB:

“When they unite with one another (in conjugal act) so closely as to become “one flesh,” man and woman rediscover every time and in a special way the mystery of creation, thus returning to the union in humanity (“flesh from my flesh and bone from my bones”) that allows them to recognize each other reciprocally and to call each other by name, as they did the first time.” This means reliving in some way man’s original value, which emerges from the mystery of his solitude before God in the midst of the world … Sex expresses an ever-new surpassing of the limit of man’s solitude, which lies within the makeup of his body and determines original meaning.”

The above quotes may strike us rather ethereal and grandiose in an age where sex is made common and easily accessible. But that’s the point! Sex as it was originally intended is anything but common. It is not a matter of existing side by side with another as strangers, lost in loneliness, but a matter of one person existing for another person, and by mutual self-gifting, uniting two into one.

Marriage as sacrament makes way for a reversal of the effects of the fall, the creation of a safe place where there can be a spontaneous discovery of self, the other, and God, through the senses of the naked body . It is to gaze upon the other from the inside out, and from the outside in, through the naked body. The naked exterior corresponds to the naked interior, the simple, pure, display of the “image of God” in all its fullness. This is what is meant by St. John Paul II when he uses the term “spousal meaning of the body;” it is the reciprocal vision, or revelation, of the interior through the exterior where the spouses begin to comprehend themselves and God through each other .

Marriage as a Vocation

A brief reflection on Christian vocation and on the state of life of matrimony, in which the majority of Christians live and in which they live out their responsibilities as sexual human beings: Consideration of the salient points of doctrine and of moral theological teaching through the centuries, together with recent developments concerning our topic, are important for a proper understanding of a life that is good, fulfilled, and joyful in terms of the true good of men and women—believers and non-believers alike.

Nowadays, terminology is not always used in a way which is clear and precise. It is not unusual to hear people say they have been ‘celibate’ for two weeks, two months, etc. What they mean to say is that they have not had a sexual, specifically genital, relationship during that period; either they are lamenting their predicament, or they are boasting about their situation. In fact, ‘celibate’ properly refers to a state of life of those who are not married, usually referring to those who have never been married or to those who in fact are not yet married. It is distinguished from the state of matrimony, the state of life in which are the majority of people and the particular vocation of the majority of Christians.

At this point, it’s good to concentrate upon marriage and those sexual behaviors which are implied in the marital state. On the basis of the doctrine of the Sacred Scriptures, theology developed in a way which has supplied us with a number of useful perspectives for considering the responsibilities of spouses also in regard to their lives as sexual beings. Here it will be possible to offer only a brief résumé of the more important ones. It will be important to keep in mind the way in which the goods involved in sexuality and in marriage have been appreciated or not in moral theology in order to be able to evaluate the responsibilities relating to them which are involved in marriage. Let’s go through certain contributions of moral theology in chronological order to try to disclose their significance.

In defense of sacramental marriage, St. Augustine wrote of the three specific goods of marriage, those of offspring (children), of fidelity, and of the sacrament.

The good of offspring is the blessing of the fruit of marriage in the transmission of human life, to fill the face of the earth. It also implies the duty to educate, rear, care for, and teach children to grow morally. Furthermore, for St. Augustine it was not enough for children to be born, but they ought to be reborn in the waters of baptism in Christ and be brought up in the faith of the Church.
The good of fidelity implies that the spouses remain faithful to each other, mutually, excluding all adultery.
The good of the sacrament concerned the permanence of matrimony, excluding divorce. The bond between the two spouses is part of every true marriage, even among non-believers. The addition of the blessing of God for Christian spouses (Sacramental marriage) in the early centuries of the Church, and in Augustine’s theology, reinforces this good of the life-long bond. Sacramental marriage as instituted by God for the realization of these goods has also the purpose of directing or proper ordering of the sexual impulse.

St. Augustine understood that the body, marriage, and the conjugal act are realities created good by God, but which, following the Fall, are damaged, such that all of us struggle against the impact of sin and against concupiscence. Hence, there is always the danger of giving way to sexual pleasure as an end to itself, which is morally disordered and sinful.

Exploration and discussions during the medieval period around the sanctity and holiness of the conjugal act within a sacramental marriage clarified the duty of spouses as to their sexual conduct. It must be neither casual nor neglected, but rather it should form an integral part of marital life.

Thomas Aquinas builds on St. Augustine’s guidance, identifying the two “essential ends” of all marriages.

The primary essential end is one of procreation and education of children. This requires both fidelity and indissolubility between the spouses, because this education demands a long-term commitment. The sacramental nature of marriage is what gives the grace to accomplish this.
The secondary essential end of marriage for Aquinas is a double one, also drawn from the Scriptures: the mutual help of the spouses, and the remedy for concupiscence. By “remedy” St.Thomas does not give license for lust within marriage, but rather the fulfillment of sexual needs within the context of married love.

The Council of Trent: Indissolubility and Sacramentality of Marriage.

The Council of Trent taught the indissolubility of marriage, but its anathema was formulated so that it fell only upon those who affirmed that the Catholic Church is wrong when it teaches that the Matthean exceptive clauses on the divorced and remarried, “except in the case of πορνεία,” do not constitute a true exception to Jesus’ teaching on indissolubility. In this way the Protestants who accused the Catholic Church of being wrong in this doctrine were condemned, but not the Orthodox who, even though they hold a different opinion, judging the clauses to mean that there is a true exception but only in the case of adultery, and follow a different practice, by allowing second marriages with a penitential dimension to the liturgy of marriage in such cases, had never stated that the Catholic Church is wrong in teaching what it does on this matter. Indissolubility—intrinsic and extrinsic—protects the permanence of marriage until the death of one of the parties, which is the only way that a marriage which is ratum et consummatum can be ended.

The Catholic Church considers that the doctrine taught by Christ in such strong terms refers in its strictest sense to marriages which are valid, sacramental, and consummated, and that it applies also, but not so strictly, to all those valid marriages which are either non-sacramental (where one or other or both are not baptized) or which have not been consummated. A marriage which is simply or only ratum (valid and sacramental), but which is not consummated, is intrinsically indissoluble (it cannot be dissolved form within by the parties nor in fact can it be dissolved by any civil or other merely earthly authority), but it could be dissolved now under the Pauline privilege or by the Pope under the Petrine privilege in favor of the faith in certain very specific circumstances (it is exteriorly dissoluble, but only in these ways).

The Council of Trent defined matrimony as sacramental, as one of the seven particular sacraments of the Church, where there is a valid marriage between two baptized persons, such that that marriage is then called to imitate and reflect the Christ-Church relationship. This concerns our theme also because this reinforces the indissolubility inherent in every valid marriage, such that a marriage which is sacramental or ratum is even more indissoluble than one which is not sacramental.

Return to top of page

Moral Authority

Scripture References

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her,

Catechism References

1534 Two other sacraments, Holy Orders and Matrimony, are directed towards the salvation of others; if they contribute as well to personal salvation, it is through service to others that they do so. They confer a particular mission in the Church and serve to build up the People of God.

1535 Through these sacraments those already consecrated by Baptism and Confirmation for the common priesthood of all the faithful can receive particular consecrations. Those who receive the sacrament of holy Orders are consecrated in Christ’s name to “feed the Church by the word and grace of God”. On their part, “Christian spouses are fortified and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and dignity of their state by a special sacrament.”

1601 “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered to the good of spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament”.

Vatican Documents

Key Papal Teachings

Arcanum Divinae (Pope Leo XIII):

This encyclical teaches that Christ elevated marriage to the dignity of a sacrament, perfecting the natural love between spouses and symbolizing His union with the Church.

Return to top of page

Making the Connection

A Real-Life Example

Julie was in love. She was a singer, dancer, and actress and began her professional career in show business at the age of nine. She lived in Los Angeles and was not easily scandalized. As a child she witnessed gay men kissing in the wings, and danced in scanty costumes on stage. Julie was a model in Playboy magazine and hung out at the Playboy mansion. She was introduced to Bill through a mutual acquaintance. At that time, Julie was a Rams cheerleader and Bill was a successful Hollywood writer. Included among his many credits were Shot in the Dark, often referred to as the funniest of the Pink Panther movies, and The Exorcist, both the novel and the screenplay. Bill and Julie dated for two and a half years before becoming engaged. They lived together for most of that time.

When Bill proposed to Julie, she was not concerned that he already had three ex-wives.

Bill said to Julie that he hoped she did not want a Catholic wedding because he had been married three times and had already received an annulment from his first marriage. He seriously doubted that he could receive another. Julie replied saying she did not care a bit. Julie was a cradle Catholic. She describes her family and upbringing as being Catholic in name only. She never received any sort of catechesis or formation. Bill, on the other hand, grew up in a very Catholic household and attended Catholic schools his entire life. His father left the family when he was still a young child, but Bill’s mother had a deep faith and she passed that faith on to him. Bill did not always practice his faith but always believed. Five months later, Bill and Julie married when Julie was 30-years-old and Bill 55-years-old.

Julie was desperate to get pregnant but was having trouble conceiving. It was four years before she finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Peter. Two years later a second son, Paul, arrived. Bill and Julie decided to raise their children in the Catholic faith. They decided Julie would homeschool because in her words, “the schools in California were awful, even the Catholic ones.” She began with PreK using curriculum from Kolbe Academy. Julie recognized that she knew nothing about her Catholic faith and so began digging into the Baltimore Catechism so she would be prepared to teach the boys. It was in the Baltimore Catechism that she discovered that her marriage was not licit. It said that, “A Christian man and woman cannot be united in lawful marriage in any other way than by the Sacrament of Matrimony, because Christ raised marriage to the dignity of a sacrament”1. Julie was devastated.

Julie sought out confession for the first time in 30 years. It was an hour-long confession, and after she’d finished, the priest told her that he couldn’t absolve her because of the state of her marriage. She sobbed. He said she had two choices. Bill could seek an annulment for his previous marriages, or they could live together as brother and sister. Neither of these sounded like viable options and Julie was devastated. She prayed for a year about what she should do. As she continued homeschooling the boys and studying the Catholic faith, her own faith grew. She felt strongly that God kept asking her to trust him. One evening, Bill took Julie out to a nice restaurant for dinner. She garnered as much courage as she could, and after two martinis, asked Bill if he would be willing to consider practicing abstinence with her. She laid out all of her reasoning and waited. A very long pause ensued before Bill answered. He said, “Jule, if it means that much to you and to set an example for our sons, I’m willing.” Julie was thrilled! She felt so very loved that Bill was willing to make this sacrifice for their family. Julie raced back to confession and received absolution. Although she investigated the process of annulment, it seemed impossible given Bill’s marital history. Bill and Julie had a fall or two from their vow of abstinence. Each time, they took advantage of the sacrament of confession and felt a renewed strength and commitment through the grace they received. They lived abstinence for four and a half years when they decided to move across the country to Maryland, so their boys could attend The Heights, an Opus Dei school for boys.

Once in Maryland, Julie met some women who introduced her to Regnum Christi, a spiritual family and apostolic body within the Catholic Church. Their mission is dedicated to bringing Christ and his kingdom to today’s world. She began attending events at Our Lady of Bethesda and receiving Spiritual Direction regularly from Fr. Richard Gill. She told Fr. Gill about the state of her marriage and family and living in abstinence. He said, “…that is not good, let’s see if we can fix it.” Fr. Gill found a Canon lawyer who thought he could help. It took another year for the first decree of nullity to come through, but Bill and Julie were told that they couldn’t make wedding plans yet, because the case had to go to a second Tribunal. The second decree of nullity came six weeks later. Bill and Julie were married in the Catholic Church in Dahlgren Chapel, on the campus of Georgetown University, Bill’s Alma Mater. It was a beautiful ceremony with Fr. Gill presiding. At the celebratory dinner after the wedding, Fr. Gill leaned over to Julie and told her that God would bless her and Bill for their fidelity in the matter.

A year later, their oldest son Peter was dead. Peter had been plagued by mental health and addiction issues for years. As a child, Peter was sweet and very spiritual. Once he went through puberty, his mental health struggles began. He was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder and was often non-compliant with his medications. He would disappear for weeks or months at a time. Bill and Julie did not know where he was or if they would ever see him again. Peter struggled with suicidal thoughts over the years, even attempting suicide at least three times. One of Peter’s high school teachers made the comment, “Wouldn’t you be a prime target for Satan. The favorite son of the man who exposed him in the 20th century.” It did seem that there was some demonic activity around Peter, so Bill and Julie had the house blessed. Julie’s biggest fear was that Peter would lose his soul. She begged the Blessed Mother to not allow him to die without being in a state of grace. Soon after, miraculously, Peter returned home after having been missing for three months. Bill and Julie were relieved, but set boundaries for Peter. He had to take his medications, participate in the sacraments and meet with Fr. Hopkins. Peter agreed to all his parent’s conditions.

The next morning was a Friday, and Julie knew the line for confession at their parish would be long. Although it seemed that every demon in Hell was trying to prevent them from getting to the parish on time, they finally made it, and Peter got into the long confession line. At one point, Julie looked back at the line and Peter was gone. She was terrified that he was in the parking lot calling his friends and she would never see him again, but he had just gone to the men’s room and soon got back in line. However, the priest had to leave to celebrate Mass before Peter had an opportunity to confess. Julie was devastated, but Peter consoled her, “Don’t worry mom, I’ll go tomorrow.” But Julie was convicted that he had to be confessed RIGHT AWAY, and told him to go to the sacristy and ask Father to hear his confession. While she waited for Peter, Julie prayed this simple prayer of desperation before the Blessed Sacrament, “Please God, please God.” About twenty minutes later Peter came out of the sacristy saying, ”Hug me Mom, I’m good with God” and “Look on the bright side, I’m good with God” That weekend, he texted all his friends saying that he’d received in a state of grace and was “good with God!” Sunday evening Peter came to Julie and said he was going to have some friends over and have beer and pizza and watch football, “like a normal person.” As she watched her son manic, but happy, she said she silently spoke to Jesus and said she couldn’t see any future for her beloved child. Then she heard these words in her soul, ”Peter’s future is my business. Trust me.”

Julie woke very early Monday morning with a feeling that something was wrong. She went downstairs and found her son had died sometime during the night. Bill and Julie were devastated by the loss of their son. Before contacting the Medical Examiner to find out the cause of Peter’s death, Julie threw up this hurried prayer, “Please let the cause of death be some rare, random thing that has nothing to do with drugs,or suicide.” Moments later, the Medical Examiner (ME) used the very words of Julie’s prayer. When she asked the ME what the cause of death was, the ME said, “It was viral myocarditis. ”When Julie asked what that was, the reply was that it was a “rare, random syndrome, in which the immune system attacks the heart.” Apparently, the only cure would have been a heart transplant. Although Bill and Julie suffered deeply the loss of their son, Fr. Gill was right. Julie recounts that “…countless graces and blessings were tucked up in that suffering.” Julie was so grateful for the extraordinary graces surrounding Peter’s death. He was home and had just received the sacraments. Bill directed his deep grief into writing a book entitled Finding Peter: A True Story of the Hand of Providence and Evidence of Life After Death. He hoped the book would help other parents experiencing the death of a child.

Julie believes fervently that being faithful to Holy Mother Church, in the case of their marriage, bore fruit for both of them and for Peter! “It was so beautiful to have done it the right way”. Although shrouded in deep grief, Bill and Julie were at peace, believing that their son was now safe and that they also were “good with God.” Bill passed away peacefully in 2017, and Julie knows that he and Peter are waiting joyfully for the day when she joins them.

Return to top of page

Next Steps

Ready to Take the Next Step?

How can we accept the very tight boundaries that Jesus set that limits sexual activity to within the sacrament of marriage, especially in a culture where sexual activity outside of these boundaries is readily accepted? Study, Prayer and Practice!

📖 Study

Sacred Scripture begins with the creation and union of man and woman and ends with “the wedding feast of the Lamb” (Rev 19:7, 9). Scripture often refers to marriage, its origin and purpose, the meaning God gave to it, and its renewal in the covenant made by Jesus with his Church. Man and woman were created for each other.

By their marriage, the couple witnesses Christ’s spousal love for the Church. One of the Nuptial Blessings in the liturgical celebration of marriage refers to this in saying, “Father, you have made the union of man and wife so holy a mystery that it symbolizes the marriage of Christ and his Church.”

The Sacrament of Marriage is a covenant, which is more than a contract. Covenant always expresses a relationship between persons. The marriage covenant refers to the relationship between the husband and wife, a permanent union of persons capable of knowing and loving each other and God. The celebration of marriage is also a liturgical act, appropriately held in a public liturgy at church. Catholics are urged to celebrate their marriage within the Eucharistic Liturgy.

Source: www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/sacraments-and-sacramentals/matrimony

Become familiar with the key aspects of marriage as a sacrament

A sign of Christ’s love: The marriage of a man and woman is a public sign of God’s loving and unbreakable bond with his people, mirroring Christ’s relationship with the Church.

A covenant: Marriage is a covenant, a sacred pact that is permanent, indissoluble, and ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children.

Source of grace: The sacrament bestows God’s grace, giving couples the strength to love each other faithfully, forgive one another, and help each other on the path to salvation.
Administered by the couple: The husband and wife are the ministers of the sacrament; their consent and vows are what make the marriage a sacrament.

A public act of worship: A sacramental marriage is a public act of the faith community, and as such, it should be celebrated within a liturgical setting in the presence of an official Church witness.

💖 Prayer

My glorious King, You desire to build up Your Kingdom in my life and, through me, in the lives of others. Give me the grace and courage I need to fully accept all that You have taught me and to actively become an instrument of Your grace and truth in the world. May I be with You in all things, dear Lord, and gather many into Your loving arms of grace. Jesus, I trust in You. Amen

✝️ Practice

Reflect, today, upon how fully you are “with” our Lord and “gather” with Him. Do you fully accept all that He has taught and also seek to gather many others for the Kingdom of God? If you do not see yourself actively believing in and participating in the mission of our Lord, then heed these words of Jesus and allow them to gently but firmly challenge you, so that you will more fully work to build up God’s Kingdom in your own heart and in the world all around you.

From:

My Catholic App, Reflection for October 10, 2025, Friday of the Twenty-Seventh Week in Ordinary Time

Invite some married couples over for dinner and invite a priest to attend. Have everyone renew their vows and serve wedding cake for dessert.
Celebrate your wedding anniversary with your children. Recognize your anniversary as the “birth” of your family. Look at photos or watch a video from your wedding. Tell your children about how you met and about your wedding day. As appropriate for the ages of your children, read from one or more of the scriptures or sing one of the songs that were used at your wedding.

ORIGINAL “STUDY”

“Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” Luke 11:23

These words are embedded within several powerful teachings of Jesus, but, in many ways, this single sentence can stand alone as an important Christian truth. Specifically, it tells us that we cannot be neutral in our position regarding Jesus and all that He has taught us. This is an important message in the world today.

Today, there seems to be a growing secular value that we might call “neutrality.” We are told by many in the world that we must accept any morality, any lifestyle, any choice that others make. And though it is true that we must always love and accept every person and treat them with the utmost dignity and respect, it is not true that we should be neutral to the choices and secular values that some choose to live and express. Sadly, when we do speak the full truth, especially the many moral truths our Lord has revealed, we are often labeled as judgmental. But this is not the truth.

This quote above from Luke’s Gospel makes it clear that we cannot remain indifferent to the teachings of our Lord and still remain in His good graces. In fact, Jesus makes it clear that the opposite is true. He says that if we are not with Him, meaning, if we do not accept all that He has revealed, then we are, in fact, against Him. Being neutral on matters of faith and morality is not actually being neutral at all. It’s a choice that some make that has the clear effect of separating them from Jesus.

For example, regarding matters of faith, if someone were to say, “I do not believe in the Eucharist,” then they are, in fact, rejecting God. And though it is not our duty to be their judge, it is our duty to acknowledge that they have expressed a belief contrary to the truth. They are in error, and if they persist in this error, then they do separate themselves from God. That’s what Jesus is saying.

The same is true regarding morality. There are many examples in the moral life that are becoming more and more blatant in their opposition to our Lord’s teaching. Thus, we must remind ourselves that when we reject a moral teaching given to us by our Lord, we reject Jesus Himself.

Jesus goes even further when He says that “whoever does not gather with me scatters.” In other words, it’s not enough to simply personally believe all that Jesus taught, we must also teach it to others. If we do not and if we, instead, offer a false form of “acceptance” of another’s error, then we are actually working against Jesus. We all have a moral duty to actively promote the truths of the Gospel given to us by our Lord.

From:

My Catholic App, Reflection for October 10, 2025, Friday of the Twenty-Seventh Week in Ordinary Time

Return to top of page

Hungry for More: Letter Nine

The Meaning of Spousal Love According to Theology of the Body

Marriage as a Vocation

The Council of Trent: Indissolubility and Sacramentality of Marriage.

Moral Authority

Scripture References

Catechism References

Vatican Documents

Making the Connection

A Real-Life Example

Further Reading

Additional Reading Materials

Next Steps

Ready to Take the Next Step?

✝️ Practice