Quick Links: Letter, Hungry for More, Moral Authority, Making the Connection, Further Reading, Next Steps
Hungry for More
Immorality (Greek: Pornea)
As we study the Old Testament narratives and the Law, we find that sexual morals for men were somewhat more lax than in Jesus’ Kingdom, the Church. A single or married man may have sex with an unmarried woman; at least, there were no restrictions about this. The underlying assumption is, however, that this is not a good idea; e.g., Judah is not at his best when he “went down from his brothers” and easily turns, as a married man, to what he thinks is a Canaanite prostitute (Gen. 38:1,13ff.). To “go down” here is not understood directionally as much as morally. But a man must not approach a married woman, and a married woman must not approach a married man or face death. However, we see from the story of the Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8:3-11), that no one brought forward the married man, which suggests that the system worked for the men and not so much the women. Virginity in a woman was highly prized; to violate a virgin was to violate the father and up-end family honor and security.
Everything changes with Jesus and His Church. At the heart of this change is an essential anthropological shift in the nature of the “new man” in Christ. It has to do with the “temple motif.” In the Old Testament, the worshiper had to go to the Tabernacle, or since Solomon’s time, the Temple, to worship. Under the new covenant in Christ, the worshiper is so united to Christ through faith and the Sacraments that Christ dwells within the believer through the power of the Holy Spirit as He did in these buildings of old. St. Paul elaborates on this, especially as it pertains to “immorality” (Greek porne/porneia).
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two shall become one.” But he who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Shun immorality. Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (I Cor. 6: 15-20)
St. Paul is operating with a deep and profound concept of the human body, a “theology of the body.” Because the Holy Spirit and Christ dwell within us in such a powerful and essential way, we must not let “sin therefore reign in [our] mortal bodies, to make [us] obey their passions.” (Romans 6:12). The same thing is expressed positively in Romans 12:1, “I appeal to you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” Our salvation in this world is worked out in the arena of our human bodies.
The word for “shun” in the above reference to “immorality,” is stronger in the Greek; it is better translated as “flee.” We should flee immorality as if it is a poisonous snake on our path. What is “immorality?” In the Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, fifteen pages of fine print are devoted to this Greek word “porne/porneia,” and it all comes down simply to this one unavoidable fact: porneia is any extramarital sex, natural or unnatural, outside the bonds of marriage between a man and a woman.
In our sex-crazed culture this seems hopelessly outdated and unrealistic; we might even find ourselves angry about such an impossible demand for purity. However, we must again revisit our lofty call to perfection Jesus expects of us, and realize that Jesus makes these demands because we have the same Spirit within us as He did Himself, and we are enabled to keep our temples holy. St. Paul warns us above that immorality is different, (not necessarily worse than, for instance, murder) from all other sins because they are done “outside” our bodies. But in a unique way, immorality brings into our body temples the impure spirit of the one whom we have sex with together with the impure spirit of all of that person’s previous sexual partners. Sex is not a merely physical transaction; it can never be casual! It is not recreational! It is a spiritual transaction, and it puts in jeopardy our union in Christ, and our very salvation; sexual immorality is a deadly sin.
The Truth about Loneliness
On the positive side, chastity is its own reward. There are so many people who long for marriage, but for whatever reason, it does not come their way. It is guaranteed that falling into immoral sexual conduct to compensate will bring nothing but pain, humiliation, and regret. To choose chastity is to choose virtue, and the whole realm of goodness, beauty, and truth opens up before them.
Loneliness is more a state of soul than a state of being single. We all know how lonely so many people are in their marriages. For myself, my most intense spiritual times were when I was young and single. Instead of hanging out with college friends on Friday evenings, my preference was to walk out into the solitary hills among the trees. I often recalled that at first, a wave of loneliness would wash over me, but when it passed by, I found myself standing in the presence of God, so rich and warm that my original sense of loneliness transformed into pure joy.
The worst thing to do when we feel lonely is to divert our attention to trivial things like entertainment or fill our lives with distractions. This freezes our souls into a state of loneliness from which we may never escape, and from there we become depressed and vulnerable to addictions.
We seek union with God by passing through the door of loneliness. Our union with Christ has so fundamentally changed the human condition since Adam, in his “original solitude,” that marriage is no longer necessary for completeness. By virtue of our place in the Church, the Bride of Christ, all the beauties of true intimacy are available to us. This is true of those who are not called into the priesthood or religious orders, as well as to those who are.
1 Friedrich, Gerhard, ed. and Bromiley, Geoffrey, ed. And trans. Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, vol. VI, Grand Rapids, Eerdmans pub. Co., 1968, pp. 579-595.
Moral Authority
Key Scriptural Perspectives on Singleness:
1 Cor 7:7-8 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own special gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do.
1 Cor 7: 17 Only, let every one lead the life which the Lord has assigned to him, and in which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
Isaiah 54: 4-5 “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.
Isaiah 56: 3-5 Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say, “The Lord will surely separate me from his people”; and let not the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree.” For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name which shall not be cut off.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
Psalm 34: 18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you.
1 Cor 7: 39-40 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I have the Spirit of God.
Catechism References
1620 Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself. It is he who gives them meaning and grants them the grace which is indispensable for living them out in conformity with his will. Esteem of virginity for the sake of the kingdom and the Christian understanding of marriage are inseparable, and they reinforce each other:
Whoever denigrates marriage also diminishes the glory of virginity. Whoever praises it makes virginity more admirable and resplendent. What appears good only in comparison with evil would not be truly good. The most excellent good is something even better than what is admitted to be good.
2232 Family ties are important but not absolute. Just as the child grows to maturity and human and spiritual autonomy, so his unique vocation which comes from God asserts itself more clearly and forcefully. Parents should respect this call and encourage their children to follow it. They must be convinced that the first vocation of the Christian is to follow Jesus: “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
1658 We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live—often not of their choosing—are especially close to Jesus’ heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors. Many remain without a human family often due to conditions of poverty. Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbor in exemplary fashion. The doors of homes, the “domestic churches,” and of the great family which is the Church must be open to all of them. “No one is without a family in this world: the Church is a home and family for everyone, especially those who ‘labor and are heavy laden.'”
Vatican Documents
Vatican documents regarding the status of single individuals, particularly in the context of the laity and modern life, are found within the Second Vatican Council documents (1962–1965), specifically Lumen Gentium (Dogmatic Constitution on the Church) and Apostolicam Actuositatem (Decree on the Apostolate of the Laity). These documents highlight the dignity and mission of all baptized people, regardless of marital state, to participate in the Church’s mission.
Key documents and themes regarding the role of single individuals include:
Lumen Gentium (1964): Defines the Church as the “People of God,” emphasizing that all members, including single laypeople, are called to holiness and have a specific mission in the world.
Apostolicam Actuositatem (1965): Focuses on the role of the laity, encouraging single individuals to use their freedom and time to serve the Church and society, emphasizing that the single state allows for deep dedication to apostolic work.
Gaudium et Spes (1965): Addresses the Church in the modern world, which is relevant to the challenges and opportunities faced by single people in contemporary society.
These documents encourage single people to act as witnesses of faith in their workplaces, communities, and families.
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Making the Connection
A Real-Life Example
Here we share a story to help people relate to the lessons by example. It may be a story taken from the internet, the tale of a saint, or an illustration taken from among our own church family.
Tim Tebow’s Virginity: A Bold Testimony of Faith and Purity in the Public Eye
When former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow publicly shared his commitment to remaining celibate, the revelation sparked widespread attention—less for the football legend’s athleticism, and more for the depth of his spiritual conviction. “I’ve always believed that purity is not just an abstract ideal but a deliberate choice rooted in faith,” Tebow has stated, framing his decision not as a cultural statement but as a sacred vocation. His journey with virginity, chronicled in speeches, social media, and documentaries, reflects a deeply personal path shaped by piety, personal trials, and an unwavering commitment to integrity.
Far from condescension or self-righteousness, Tebow’s narrative offers a raw illustration of how faith, when lived authentically, becomes a daily compass—guiding decisions that echo beyond media headlines. Tebow’s life has long been marked by public declarations of belief, but his choice of celibacy stands as a singular pillar in his story. Raised in a devout Christian home, he credits prayer and scripture as foundational to his worldview.
“My faith didn’t start with input from sports or celebrity culture—it began in church, in family, and in quiet moments of reflection,” he reflects. This spiritual foundation led to a conscious vow to preserve virginity, which he describes not as abstinence alone, but as “protecting the sacredness of intimacy before marriage.” His testimony challenges common assumptions about masculinity and sexuality, arguing that purity is not about shame but about honoring one’s body and future potential as vessels of purpose. Central to Tebow’s journey is the tension between fame and faith.
Playing under the spotlight of professional football, he acknowledges the heightened scrutiny his choices invite. Yet rather than retreat, he used his platform to reframe purity as a strength—an active, thoughtful decision rather than passive restraint. “In a world that often measures self-worth through presence and exposure,” he once said, “choosing celibacy is a radical act of reclaiming who I am before God.” This redefinition invites broader societal reflection: that integrity, especially in high-pressure environments, is not weakness but courage.
Tebow’s decision to remain virginal aligns with a consistent moral framework rooted in scripture, particularly passages emphasizing self-control and long-term relational values. Unlike many public figures who pivot on personal boundaries, Tebow has maintained unwavering consistency, stating he “never made a pact with society on purity—my commitment is unconditional.” His narrative has sparked dialogue about faith-based sexuality, positioning virginity not as exclusion but as an intentional lifestyle choice that fosters spiritual readiness. Tebow’s vulnerability in sharing personal struggles enhances the authenticity of his message.
He has spoken candidly about periods of doubt, moments of pressure, and grace-filled recoveries that shaped his resolve. “There were times I wondered if I was living up to God’s call,” he admits. “But each moment of uncertainty deepened my trust—proving that purity is not about perfection, but persistence.” This transparency resonates with audiences who recognize that faith journeys are often nonlinear and deeply human.
Comparisons to other public figures reveal both contrasts and common ground. While many athletes face intense pressure to conform to prevailing cultural norms—whether sexualized or hyper-masculine—Tebow’s stance stands apart as a deliberate rejection of compromise. “Celebrity culture often blurs moral boundaries,” he observes.
“For me, virginity is not a relic of the past but a modern declaration of faith—and one I carry with pride.” His approach contrasts with tabloid narratives that might sensationalize personal choices, instead grounding the story in profundity and purpose. Practically, Tebow’s commitment influences how he navigates relationships, career, and public representation. Though retired from the NFL, he continues to engage through ministry, advocacy, and mentorship, where his message of deliberate purity reaches young Christians seeking meaning in secularized environments.
“I’m not telling others what to do,” he emphasizes, “but showing that faith-driven choices are accessible and transformative—even in private.” This emphasis on personal authenticity over performance underscores the sincerity of his journey. Tebow’s virginity is not a photography-ready headline or a cultural lightning rod—it is a lived expression of faith in action. In an era where public figures often evade deep moral accountability, his unwavering stance offers a counterpoint: one where personal integrity, and spiritual conviction, coexist powerfully.
By refusing compromise and embracing vulnerability, Tebow challenges listeners to consider that true purity is not about hiding, but about clinging—steadfast, intentional, and unapologetic—to one’s deepest values. Tebow’s journey illustrates how faith can serve as both anchor and guide, especially in the glare of public life. His commitment transcends sports, inviting dialogue about meaning, purpose, and the courage required to live according to deeply held beliefs. In a world increasingly defined by fleeting trends, his journey remains a testament to the enduring power of integrity—a quiet revolution rooted in purpose, not protest.
Further Reading
Additional Reading Materials
Kass, Amy A., and Leon R. Kass, eds. Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar: Readings on Courting and Marrying. Notre Dame, Indiana: University of Notre Dame Press, 2000.
“Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar is essentially a Book of Virtues for lovers and lovers-to-be. It teaches a higher form of sex education – a form which cultivates awe for the depth and breadth of marital love while showing respect for the fragility of the human heart. Get your hands on the Kasses’ book and consider its wise counsel.” USA Today
Gallagher, Timothy M., O.M.V. The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living. New York: Crossroad, 2005
This book provides an in-depth understanding of St. Ignatius’ rules for discernment. When used, it is a valuable tool to deepen one’s spiritual life. The author, Fr. Timothy Gallagher, uses real-life examples to illustrate the various principles and rules.
Stimpson, Emily. The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right. Steubenville, Ohio: Emmaus Road Publishing, 2012.
Finding a spouse has never been easy. But, it’s also never been quite so hard, especially for good Catholic girls intent on having strong Catholic marriages to nice Catholic boys. So what are all those good Catholic girls to do? How do they navigate the increasingly long (and usually trying) years between college and “I do” without losing their sanity or their soul? Steeped in the Church’s teachings on the feminine genius, marriage, and theology of the body, The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide dishes with both wit and wisdom on some of the most pressing questions single women face: vocation, dating, sex, finances, work, depression, and more.
Unger, Dominic J., O.F.M. The Mystery of Love for the Single: A Guide for Those Who Follow the Single Vocation in the World. Gastonia, North Carolina: Tan Books, 2005.
Few realize that a person can pursue a truly supernatural vocation by consecrating himself or herself to perpetual celibacy while yet living in the world. Here Fr. Unger describes the main guidelines for such a religious vocation, showing the nature of this vocation and the manner of dedicating oneself to it. The author gives the history in the Church of consecrated celibate living, plus some basic helps in safeguarding purity in such a life. Based on the Pope Pius XII encyclical On Holy Virginity, this book shows that the consecrated life in the world is just one more example of the rich Tradition of the Church in providing for the needs of all her children. The Mystery of Love for the Single will bring much-needed encouragement and enlightenment to those generous souls who wish to pursue a supernatural vocation and yet remain single and celibate while living in the world.
The Normalization of Premarital Sex: Satan’s Master Stroke? | Christian Research Institute
This article addresses the negative consequences of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s on our culture.
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Next Steps
Ready to Take the Next Step?
How can we commit to sexual self-control? Study, Prayer and Practice!
📖 Study
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10 Bible Passages Every Catholic Should Know to Promote Chastity and Reconciliation – EpicPew
- John 14:15 – If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
- Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
- 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 – Shun immorality. Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
- Ephesians 4: 17-24 Now this I affirm and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds; they are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart; they have become callous and have given themselves up to licentiousness, greedy to practice every kind of uncleanness. You did not so learn Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus. Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new nature, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
- Colossians 3:5 – Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:2-3 – For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification:[a] that you abstain from immorality;
- 1 Thessalonians 4:7 – For God has not called us for uncleanness, but in holiness.
- 2 Timothy 1:7 – for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.
- 2 Timothy 2:22 – So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart.
- 1 Peter 2:11– Beloved, I beseech you as aliens and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh that wage war against your soul.
💖 Prayer
“O courageous maiden, St. Agnes most pure, by the burning love with which thy heart was on fire, and which preserved thee from harm in the midst of the flames of passion and of the stake with which the enemies of Christ sought to destroy thee Obtain for us from Almighty God that every unclean flame may be extinguished in us and only the fire of Divine Love may burn within us.”
Taken from: ST. AGNES NOVENA
✝️ Practice
Tips for Staying Celibate
- Stay connected to God and ask Him for help when you are tempted.
- Be serious when you make the decision and don’t just try, decide! And then hold yourself accountable.
- Don’t put yourself in situations which make it harder for you to resist the temptation.
- If you fall off, get back on track. Ask for forgiveness and don’t beat yourself up if you fall off.
- Be truthful with yourself and God about your feelings and desires.
- Know why you’re embracing celibacy. It will be a more meaningful experience if you are deliberate about your decision.